Kyle Keefe

Drink Water Upside Down…It Goes Down Faster

There are really three scenarios for the weekend. Scenario number 1 consists of mowing the yard, cleaning the garage, Home Depot, and Bed Bath & Beyond (if you have time), Chipotle for dinner, maybe a movie if it’s before 9 o’clock. Sound familiar? Then there is scenario number 2. Gym, Tan, Laundry as “The Situation” likes to call it. The kind of person that lives for Saturday night. Spending all your time getting ready for the one syllable club scene and places like “Lime”, “Jet”, “Hush”, “Tryst”, “Shove”, “Squeeze”, “Push”, “Why Did I Just Pay a $50 Cover To Get In Here To Stand This Close To Another Dude”...Yes, those clubs, and then a late night run to the Denver Diner? Sound like you? Or do you want to get into Scenario number 3 and create a real buzz in your life?

 

 That’s me on the far right. The guy that everyone is looking at, upside down, staring at a 3-ton boulder coming my way. It was a trip on the Arkansas River through the Royal Gorge. We were told it was experts only, but what does that mean? I mean, c’mon, who’s an “expert rafter”? Does that mean that you are an expert if you don’t load up your raft with cases of beer and a waterproof CD player blasting Jimmy Buffet all day long? Whatever it meant, we said yes, and hopped on the raft and got the trip underway. The picture you see above is a Class 5 Rapid called “Sunshine” and as you can see, the only part of me that saw this particular part of the river is, ironically, where the sun usually doesn’t shine. Upside down and in the middle of the scariest rapids I have seen in some time. When I came up for air, all I got was the under-belly of the raft (which was the worst part). NO AIR for about 10 seconds when it finally hit me: This might be a bad day. However, I did manage to find the surface (eventually) and crash through a few rocks and a couple more rapids before coming to my senses and locate my friends screaming for me on the side of the river about 100 feet away. As I finally approached the boat, I was completely out of breath and laughing at the fact that I made fun of the “expert only” phone-call earlier that week. As I was being pulled up onto the raft (shorts near my ankles which is a neat feeling after being in the 50 degree water for 3 minutes) I realized something, something very important…

I still like Scenario number 3, I’m just a lot better at Scenario number 1.

“Prediction…? Pain.”

Clubber Lang punished the Italian Stallion in Rocky III. He also saved lives as part of the A-Team. Nowadays, the guy that plays Mr. T, just punishes people for a living. 

I was lucky enough to interview the UFC Light Heavyweight Champion of the World Jon “Bones” Jones and his opponent Quinton “Rampage” Jackson as they prepared for their title fight on September 24^th at the Pepsi Center. Jon Jones is a stud. He is a well spoken, mild mannered, pretty much a  well behaved dude. He is NOT what you would expect from a champion in a league that emphasizes putting your knee into another guys cheekbone as hard as possible. Jon Jones might be the champion in the 205-pound weight class for a long time, but he’s not who I want to tell you about.

I want to talk about Clubber Lang, Mr. T, the man they call Rampage Jackson. If you love the UFC, you surely saw Rampage star in the reality show, “The Ultimate Fighter”, and if you love Rampage Jackson, then you probably also went to the theatres to see “The A-Team”. I’ll admit it…I love the guy, but don’t tell him that! As I sat across from him prior to our interview he said this to me, “I like fans, I do, but I like female fans more than I like dudes. I mean, it just bothers me when men try and touch me. I am so used to beating dudes up, that I just can’t break the habit.” WOW. That is when you sort of swallow, and try and think of a new subject to talk about…I just agreed with him and acted like, I too, beat people up all the time after a long night in the studio. I just shook my head and said, “Yeah, I know what you mean…(swallow) Rampage.” And then waited for him to punch me in the mouth. He did not, but he didn’t laugh hysterically either. Remember the old Saturday Night Live episodes where Chris Farley interviews famous people about their movies? That’s kind of how this interview went, (but obviously you should judge for yourself as it will air all month long on Altitude) I was Chris Farley and he was Rampage Jackson. “Remember when you beat up um…um…Chuck Liddell…um…that was awesome.”

Rampage was everything that I expected, while Jon Jones was not. I’m not sure what that means for the fight coming up on that Saturday night in downtown Denver. It could mean that the 33-year-old Jackson is past his prime and is now in the business of making bold predictions and loud statements about how hard he’s going to hit Jones, or how much he’s going to slam him around in the cage. Or it could mean that the youth is now the cream of the crop, and that the 24-year-old Jones is the real deal, and a first round knockout is inevitable. Either way, I learned a couple of things from this episode of “One on One: UFC 135”, don’t let a soft spoken man fool you into thinking he is truly soft spoken, and don’t touch Rampage Jackson during a photo opportunity. You might end up like Balboa, on your back, laying on the canvass with Rampage standing over you saying, “I pity the fool.”

Catch the debut of this show on Altitude, August 1^st at 10pm.

 

Tingles and Tears

She’d been in a coma for some time and Rocky Balboa was a mess. Both he and Mickey had been up for days, wandering from the hospital, to the church, and back to her bedside, in hopes that she would eventually breach from this sleep. Finally, after five long minutes of this agonizing situation, I got what I wanted in the movie.  I got something to make me cry, to make me proud. I got something that made me slug my little brother in the face, as he sat right next to me in the theatre. Adrian Balboa was FINALLY awake. She was lying in her hospital bed, holding her son for the first time when she leaned over to Rocky and said, “I want you to do something for me.” Rocky leaned in a little closer and said “What’s that?” One more time she said to him, “Come here…” And with one of the best lines in all of Hollywood, she gave us Rocky-lovers one of the most spine tingling, tear jerking, if-you-don’t-choke-up-just-a-little-you-must-be-dead-moments, when these words came out of her mouth, “WIN……WIN!” The Rocky soundtrack kicked in and Mickey screamed, “What are we waiting for?”

The next ten minutes of that movie might be the best ten minutes you’ll ever watch if you need some inspiration. Between the music, the emotion, the struggles, and the outcome, THAT is the kind of feeling you get when you cheer for the under-dog.

On Sunday, the United States of America was the under-dog against Brazil. And not even Rocky himself could hold back a tear when the Women’s National Team came out on top, and more than anything, it was how they did it.

I don’t need to regurgitate any of the highlights, hopefully you have seen them by now. But I will say this about that game and about people, and about how we live our lives: Those moments when we feel cheated, left out, scammed, or stepped on, those are the moments that can be thrown back in the face of controversy when you create your own magic by not letting them beat you. The USA was down a goal with basically no time left on the clock, even the color announcer said on the broadcast that we might be watching the last moments of this game, when Abby Wambach scored to tie things up. The audio of that ball hitting the back of the net, and her reaction to it going in (making my hair on the back of my neck stand up right now as I write this) is what that match was all about. The shoot-out was nothing less than vindication for the team that wanted it more. In your face Brazil.

With two games left to go, France on Wednesday and maybe the Championship Match on Sunday, there is only one thing left to do…

Win………WIN.